Author Archives: B

The other night I overheard an exchange in the alleyway behind our new condo that brought me up to speed on the territorial conflicts between waring tribes of hobos. H1- (clattering along the alleyway, bottles and cans bouncing merrily inside … Continue reading →

I have just moved.I left my much-loved Anglican rectory, on a street where my neighbours included a Widow who gardened, an Englishman who gardened, and a man who swore at his dogs constantly because the new owners (yes–I was a … Continue reading →

I like to dress myself up.Not to the nines–just nicely–and I do so frequently. What’s “just nicely” entail?I’m glad you asked.On this particularly evening it bears an explicit description of my attire so that the court of public opinion can … Continue reading →

Poor, poor Betty!The indignities she suffered at Calgary’s Beerfest were too numerous to mention. Her beauty, lost amidst the haze of beer goggles worn by Friday night’s horde of revelers, led to her gas cap being stolen and someone generously … Continue reading →

After my bout of laundry-generating digestive disobedience I drafted a letter to the corporate head office I felt was responsible and voiced my concern for the cleanliness in one of their franchise locations. I didn’t really want anything more than … Continue reading →

Emboldened by reader enthusiasm for my personal misfortunes (ie. shitting and barfing my own trousers), I now feel comfortable enough to share something that, until now, I have harbored as a dark secret. A dark, dirty little secret. Before I … Continue reading →

I had dinner with two very dear friends of mine last night, and we were feeling a pretty nice glow by the end of the affair. I had repaired to the washroom, and was holed up in a stall trying … Continue reading →

Edmonton has many things that it may count in its favour: a bounty of Stanley Cups; the status as Provincial capital; and an outstanding Fringe Festival. One thing that it also has, is one of the most bitter women I … Continue reading →

Nothing will extinguish the light in your soul quite like realising, while in your most vulnerable moment bent over the toilet bowl heaving away your dinner (then your lunch. . . then your breakfast), that the warm sensation blossoming in … Continue reading →

Ever since moving to Calgary, where pedestrians are more obedient than seeing-eye dogs, I have established some pretty high expectations from my two-legged friends. No one jaywalks, dashes out from between cars, or even risks crossing the street once the … Continue reading →